The Marriage Challenge

4 Easy habits that create the marriage of your dreams...

Habit #1: DAILY

At Least 5 Minutes of Physical Intimacy (Doesn't Have to be sex)

  • Sex and intimacy issues are the #2 cause of divorce (money is #1). Daily intimacy helps divorce-proof your marriage.
  • Out of 1,440 minutes in every day, focusing on your spouse for at least 5 minutes helps prevent feelings of neglect.
  • Physical Benefits: lowers stress, improves mood, improves physical fitness, improves sleep, improves heart, immune and brain health, can extend life up to 8 years.
  • Relationship Benefits: increases bonding by the releasing of oxytocin hormone, reduces likelihood of infidelity, increases happiness, increases feeling of love, increases feeling of trust, increases relationship satisfaction.
  • Allow as much bare skin contact as possible to enhance physical connection
  • The request can’t be for house chores as this exercise is a personal focus, intended to strengthen the couple’s physical connection
  • The acts can be alternated from one spouse one day to the other the next or 5 minutes on both spouses every day
  • You can experiment on how you pick the actions and use the one that works best for both parties (flip a coin to see who chooses, alternate, receiver chooses, giver chooses, Click here to generate a random number to do from ideas tab, etc). You can switch up each week to keep it interesting.
  • The receiver can’t complain or be angry if the giver stops at 5 minutes
  • Must choose full intercourse and complete the act at least once per week (if physically capable)

15 Physical Intimacy Ideas: (Do not limit yourself to these- Please be creative!)

  1. Back Massage
  2. Shoulder massage
  3. Long Hug
  4. Feet massage
  5. On top cuddle
  6. Rear facing cuddle (spooning)
  7. Slow dancing
  8. Tender Kisses and neck hug
  9. Manual genital stimulation with hands
  10. Oral stimulation
  11. Intercourse
  12. Bathe partner in bubble bath or shower
  13. Chair straddle embrace
  14. Blindfold and trace body with fingertips or feather
  15. Can substitute intimate conversations if apart due to travel

Habit #2: WEEKLY

A Romantic or Fun Date

  • Allows you to rekindle feelings that attracted you to your spouse while single.
  • Deepens your connection, friendship, love and communication.
  • Helps keep the spark alive allowing a break from daily mundane tasks.
  • Gives you something to look forward to each week.
  • Allows you to continue to have new experiences together.
  • Reduces stress; you don’t have to think about work, kids or chores.
  • Changing your environment changes your emotional state and mood.
  • Proves your priorities. Taking the time away from everything and everyone else shows how much you value the relationship.
  • 2 hours minimum (Weekly)
  • Date Must involve Romantic or Fun activity
  • No Children are allowed
  • No Cell Phone use during the date outside of emergencies
  • No talking about Problems, To Do’s nor Work. Enjoy and focus on each other.
  • If there is any discrepancy about dating activities then alternate who picks the activity each week
  • Include activities that won your mate in the beginning
  • Schedule it on each calendar so you both know to reserve the time for each other

18 Date Ideas:

  1. Movie (theater, drive-in or dollar movie if on a tight budget) and Dinner
  2. Dinner somewhere neither of you have tried before
  3. Picnic in the park
  4. Karaoke

  5. Catch a play
  6. Comedy club
  7. Go bowling
  8. Art or other type of museum
  9. Indoor rock climbing
  10. Mini golf
  11. Music concert
  12. Sporting event
  13. Botanical Gardens
  14. Roller or Ice Skating
  15. Dancing (can do a class if not good at dancing)
  16. Spoken word cafe
  17. Hiking along a beautiful nature path
  18. Bike, Segway, electric scooter, motorcycle or horse carriage ride

Habit #3: MONTHLY

Marriage Meeting

  • Improves communication which is the #3 reason for divorce.
  • Provides a constructive format for effective communication without fighting.
  • Allows you to track your relationship progress. You can’t expect what you don’t inspect. Tracking improves performance.
  • Print 2 copies of the Marriage Meeting Format (click red button above).  Each spouse fills out his or her sheet completely and then they verbally discuss their responses together.
  • The meeting should be scheduled on a set day each month and put on both partner’s calendars. (e.g., the 1st Sunday of each month at 7pm). If that day has to be missed for an important reason, the first available day possible should be substituted. The meeting should also be rescheduled if either partner is extremely tired, sick or irritated.
  • If your relationship is having major issues then you may need to have the meeting more frequently than once a month (once a week or twice a month).
  • Only the two of you must meet, unless a trained counselor is present.  No kids, friends or relatives!
  • Start the meeting with prayer while holding hands if you believe in the power of prayer.
  • Turn your cell phones on silent and minimize all other distractions.
  • Keep the conversation friendly, practicing Active Listening. Don’t curse, don’t interrupt, don’t blame the other person, keep your voice volume and tone calm and only state the way actions make you feel.

Habit #4: YEARLY

Couple's Trip

The same benefits as the Weekly Date but Magnified Greatly due to the increased time, privacy and environment change.

  • Allows you to rekindle feelings that attracted you to your spouse while single.
  • Deepens your connection, friendship, love and communication.
  • Helps keep the spark alive allowing a break from daily mundane tasks.
  • Gives you something to look forward to.
  • Allows you to continue to have new experiences together.
  • Reduces stress; you don’t have to think about work, kids or chores.
  • Proves your priorities. Taking the time away from everything and everyone else shows how much you value the relationship.
  • Rejuvenates your body, mind and nerves.
  • Must be at least 3 full days (do not include travel time)
  • Must be outside of the city you live in
  • Cannot include children unless an infant
  • Must limit work, friends, children, and other contact to emergencies only while away
  • Do not talk about problems; use the monthly meetings to deal with those. This is the time to LIVE IT UP with your spouse.

Are You Ready for the Challenge?

We challenge you and your spouse to try The Marriage Challenge for 1 month.  If you both feel happier about your marriage at the end of the first month, we challenge you to make this a way of life.